Monkey robbers, catfish massages and a missed train..

On arrival in Singapore we didn’t really know what to expect. We had spoken to several fellow travelers on our journey who all said it was expensive so we pencilled in 3 days. On a whole it stared off inexpensive with the hostel being cheap with free internet and breakfast, a luxury which was a nice surprise. After a loaf of toast we had a scout around the city, utilising the cheap and efficient transit system. We window shopped on Orchard Road, the shopping mecca of the city. Jonny having to avert his eyes and remind himself of the budget as he was teased by the Dior Homme store. We saw the expense came when purchasing alcohol. At 6 quid a pint we would be remaining sober for the duration.

A day was spent at the large Singapore Zoo. This impressive open plan zoo had animal enclosures on islands and the orangutans would frequently swing by overhead. Afterwards we went across the road to the Night Safari, a zoo based on nocturnal creatures. Here we spent little time as the animals were difficult so see in the night. A concept of zoo we failed to see how could catch on.

Our flight to Bali was at 1630. Arriving at the airport at 1500, we went straight into departures. A quick stop on the net we lost track of time and as we glanced at the departure and saw the gate was closing. We ran to the gate and to our horror the plane appeared to have left. The staff pointed out that we were at the wrong gate so we had to run back the opposite direction, our flip-flops getting in the way of our stupidity. We arrived out our boutique hostel and the magical free upgrade words were heard for the second time. That evening we went straight out and it was lost drinking Bintang in Sky Garden.

A day trip was organised from the hostel where we ventured inland stopping off at a huge beautiful temple where we wore our first sarong. We made our way to the Monkey Forest where we were persuaded to buy some bananas. Within seconds a battalion of monkeys descended on us snatching for the tasty treats. They lasted a few seconds as we flung them as far away as possible. Lowy got his barter on at the big market in town and haggled like a true hero over 20p, eventually ending up with some bargains. That evening we were shown a restaurant which became our second home as we systematically worked our way through the menu.

Our master plan of touring the island on scooters never materialised as we only made it a few hours out-of-town, tackling the daunting Bali roads as best we could. We extended our stay in the hostel to 9 nights and made use of our own private cinema which we discovered in the yoga room. A lot of time was spent on the beach as Jonny tackled the Legian and Kuta waves, dodging plastic bags in the process. The Sky Garden bar/club we spend several nights destroying brain cells with cheap beer as we enjoyed the company of our new Indonesian friends. After a 10 year absence for us both we rediscovered chess and became hooked. Bali was finished off with a complimentary 1hr massage. A first for us both but definitely not the last.

We arrived into Malaysia midday and got the bus straight into central  Kuala Lumpur.. We spent the next two days sightseeing which included the once worlds tallest building, The Petronas Towers. We were in Malaysia as a few weeks earlier in New Zealand, a friend talked us into going to the Malaysian Grand Prix. This however left us with nearly a week to kill so we decided to get an overnight sleeper train to Langkawi.

Langkawi is an island of the north-west coast of Malaysia almost at the Thai border. Here we booked into a little guest house for 4 nights, enough to see the island. The first night we went overboard on the 60p cans of tiger and a bottle of Jim Beam which we regretted the next day as we went up the Langkawi Cable Car. The almost vertical ascent in a small 4 person car blowing in the wind wasn’t that enjoyable with the heebie jeebies. We were both struggling after 10 minutes, Lowy even more so as vertigo kicked in. At the top we had an amazing view over the island. Here Lowy shuffled around and worked up to the suspension bridge high above two peaks.

A day trip organised we set off on a small boat to two other smaller islands. Firstly the Lake Of The Pregnant Maiden. Here we dodged wild monkeys and had a strange tickly catfish massage. Afterwards we watched eagles diving into the bay for their afternoon meal. Our return train left at 2030 so we had a leisurely day before getting the ferry back to the mainland. On route in the taxi to the train station Jonny glanced at the tickets to discover the only train left at 1830! In the middle of nowhere with no hotels, we contemplated using Lowys tent for the first time. Our taxi driver, speaking very little english suggested we went to the next town to see if there was a bus and if not a hotel. Thankfully as we arrived into the bus station there was an overnight bus leaving for Kuala Lumpur in 1 hour. Panic over, we would be making the Grand Prix after all.

The Sepang circuit if the home of F1 in Malaysia. Eventually getting there for the first day at 2pm, just enough time to catch qualifying. Unfortunately not good times for the two british drivers. Soon the tropical heavens opened which made the monotonous ear bleeding viewing more interesting as cars began to spin-off. Second day was race day which we hoped would be more interesting. The hill became packed and there was a better atmosphere. After an impressive air show the race began. after 20 laps or so with the brits losing we began to lose interest. We left slightly early to avoid the horrendous traffic. Good experience however next time we agreed it was better viewing as we normally do, hungover on a Sunday morning..

Dolphin love, Rainbow Jellyfish and man down..

Our first stop in New Zealand was Auckland. Here we pencilled in a few nights to decide on the route we were going to take and mode of transport. Auckland on a whole was distinctly average. A sort of medium-sized city which seemed to be lacking that bit of sparkle. Because our time in New Zealand was limited, we were only left with one option. This was the Kiwi Experience bus. Unfortunately for us this meant we had to bypass the north island altogether and fly straight to Christchurch in the south. This also meant we had to spend more time in Auckland. Softened however by our trip out of the city to Devonport where we scaled our first dormant mini volcano and to find Super Mario World.

Christchurch was a lightning visit with the most exciting aspect for Jonny being the laundry room. 0630am the following morning we joined the Kiwi Experience bus for the first time and made our way north to Kaikoura. Here we were scheduled to swim with the wild dolphins however mother nature had different plans. Due to the tragic earthquake in Chile, a Tsunami warning was issued for the whole South Pacific. Thus cancelling all boat trips. 0530am the following day we then checked in for our dolphin swim. Amazingly as we travelled out to sea, we caught our first sunrise of the trip. Before long dolphins were spotted and we geared up and slipped of the back of the boat. We swam for 45 minutes with a pod of over 600 wild Dusky Dolphins and had a truly awe-inspiring experience. We were advised to sing and hum to them to keep them interested and playful. They were most impressed when Lowy started humming the theme tune to Blind Date. We couldn’t be certain but this may have been a factor when they started to mate a yard from Jonny’s head, much to his amusement.

Overnight in Nelson then we made our way to Westport. Briefly stopping en route so a brave Lowy and Scott could take a dip in the tiddler shrinking Lake Rotorua. We then came to Buller Adventure Tours where we would be doing our first activity, horse trekking. Helmets and boots on we were all assigned our horses. Jonny was on Locky, who was totally unresponsive but thankfully followed other horses.  Lowy was on Luke, who initially preferred backwards to forwards. Scott was on Max, a huge horse who he formed a man/beast kinship with immediately. We trekked for 2 1/2 hours through fields, riverbanks and deep rivers. Eventually we worked up to a canter ( gallop ) and you would have had to surgically remove the smiles from our faces. Although there was a strong possibility we would be walking around like John Wayne for the next few days..

Lake Mahinapua was next. Not before we stopped at Greymouth to choose costumes for our compulsory fancy dress party that evening, themed Under The Sea. We arrived at our hotel at 6pm and Les, the 84-year-old thick bearded gent and owner of the establishment,  jumped on board to give us a pep talk. After tea, which consisted of Les’ famous trademark venison stew and BBQ steaks, we all transformed into costumes. Jonny was a sea turtle, Lowy was a Rainbow Jellyfish ( new species ) and Scott was the captain of the Titanic. Jonny’s clearly sounded/looked better as a concept. John Bowman hit the nail on the head with the gay TMNT description. The Rainbow Jellyfish died after an hour or so and Scott was a clear winner of the 3. There was some amazing ingenuity from other people and with plenty of alcohol, the whole bus became acquainted in a ridiculously looking fashion.

Although the aftermath is visible all throughout the New Zealands majestic landscape, it is beautiful to see a glacier at work, slowly grinding its way through the mountains. On route into Franz Josef you catch a glimpse of the huge river of ice flowing down from the mountains. We all became excited about our planned glacier hike the following day. Unfortunately not for Lowy as his feet were still plagued with problems from previous coral cuts and wounds.

0915am at the glacier hike centre Scott and Jonny geared up then group was taken to the foot of the glacier by bus. Before you could reach the glacier there was 50min hike over lunar like terrain. The groups were then split into smaller groups, each numbered in order of hike difficulty. Scott and Jonny up for the challenge, volunteered for group 1. A short ascent up and almost vertical shingle path we strapped on our crampons and then hit the ice. Here we trekked 2/3km up the giant ice-cube, passing gorges, climbing through crevasses and abseiling. Stopping briefly so our guide could carve steps out of the ice. About 2pm we reached the plateau, enjoyed the view then started our descent. About 20 mins from the bottom, Jonny tripped on his crampons and fell face first onto the ice, picking up a nice shin and sternum injury in the process. His wounds and pride nursed 2 hours later as we dipped into the hotpools, choosing our preferred temperature of 40°, 38°, or 36°.

A quick stop at Wanaka and the truly breathtaking Lake Matheson, we were on route to Queenstown. Scott and Jonnys bungy jump was chosen for a few days later however our driver had other ideas. He changed our date to er, that day! Also happily announcing over the bus tannoy we would be jumping in 30 minutes! As he counted down the minutes we arrived at the famous Kawarau bridge. The bridge is 43m over the stunning turquoise Kawarau river and home to the original bungy jump. After a brief tak about the origins of bungy, we made our way to the weigh in counter. After payment was settled we were told to make our way up to the bridge. As we got harnessed u, we queued on either side according to weight. Jonny wanting to go first didn’t have much of a choice as he was ushered to the front of the queue due to the correct bungy for his weight already attached. Towel wrapped round ankles, bungy tied, it was time to go. “Do you want to go in the water?” to which Jonny replied “put me in the soup” 3-2-1 Bungy! It goes over so fast you don’t have time to think. It is one of the greatest personal and mental obstacles anyone could overcome. About 20 mins later Scott saluted to the camera and threw himself off. Lowy not being such an extreme sport fanatic, was amazing talked into doing the Nevis Arc, the worlds highest swing. He was whisked off in a coach to return at the hostel a few hours later proudly sporting his achievement trucker cap.

Queenstown we chose to finish off our New Zealand trip. Here we spent a lot of time consuming alcohol and laughing with our double cush Huddersfield friends and the lovely Danes. We also ate the legendary Fergburger, went jet boating and played frisbee golf. Yes, frisbee golf. It was an enduring beautiful town and the perfect place to finish our short but amazing adventure. It was also a sad end as this was also the end of Scotts trip. The funds were dry so he had no option other than to return home. The 3 monkeys were now down to 2 as we parted with manhugs in Singapore airport. Hopefully the money tree he planted before he left has grown full, so he can catch us up as we continue on through South East Asia..

Island hopping, hog roasts and midnight mice..

After the extortion that was Australia, we welcomed the cheapness of Fiji with open arms. Immediately taken in by the culture and the amazing people, we headed out from the mainland on our island hopping adventure.

First stop, the party central, or so we thought, Beachcomber Island. It was obvious the shine had worn off their crown in recent years but we made the most of the 3 days we were there. Drinking vast amounts of Fiji Gold, enjoying the beautiful sunshine and the nightly traditional Fijian dancing. This was the smallest of the islands we were to visit, with a round trip taking a total of 13 minutes.

Bounty Island next, with a short transfer on the Yasawa Flyer, our catamaran means of transport. We were warmly greeted in the usual Fijian fashion with all the staff stopping what they were doing immediately and all gathering on the beach to sing and dance for our arrival. Big Momma was the head henchman and took care of us for our stay. Bounty Island was the location of filming for that TV shocker, Celebrity Love Island. A fitting place for 3 grown men to spend Valentines Day together we thought. The dormitories were however a bit suspect, with a few resident mice frequently popping in and out throughout the night looking for an easy meal. Much to the horror of some of the female guests.

The next group of islands were the Yasawas, further up the north. Still travelling on a bit of a whim, we chose Manta Ray Island as our next stop. Another paradise island with a reef just off the beach which actually rivalled the Great Barrier Reef. We were there unfortunately out of season for the huge Manta Rays who are visitors throughout the winter season. Here we ate superb food and played our first game of beach volleyball. Lowy picking up some wounds in the process as the court was pretty much made out of hard, super sharp, dead bits of coral. We dedicated an afternoon to go line fishing with out Fijian guide Mahony. Here Lowy broke his previous record of 0 by catching his first fish of the trip.

Our last stop was further north again, Octopus resort on Waya Island. This was a highly anticipated visit as we heard good things about this resort along our travels. We weren’t disappointed as this was bordering 4 star and was literally a tropical honeymoon location. Amazing staff, services, activities and food which included a hog  roast on our arrival. We had been watching it being slowly roasted throughout the afternoon on the beach. With the meal came the CRACKLING, something small we missed from home. Here we relaxed for several days, enjoying pool time, gorging ourselves and running up ‘huge’ bar tabs. We were proper flashpacking now.

With 2 days to go we made our way south again and back to the mainland. Here we managed to salvage a few sets of clubs for pennies and play a round of golf at Nadi Airport Golf Course. We battled through the blistering heat and dodged bush fires as we searched for our balls. Fiji overall was truly outstanding and we all regretted not being able to spend more time there. Especially as the when the passports were stamped on the way in, allowing us tourist visas for up to a 4 month stay..

Dingoes in the dark, toad racing champion and The Great Barrier Reef..

Hervey Bay further up the coast is the hub for everyone wanting to go to Fraser Island. This is an island national park made mostly of sand and famous for its 75 mile beach and its Dingoes. Our 4×4 hired, drivers seat blagged with a copied licence ( due to the earlier stolen wallet ) and our fellow companions met, we head off on our 3day/2night adventure.

Sticking to our itinerary slightly we visited the beautiful lakes finishing off with Lake McKenzie which was truly stunning. The two nights were spent under the stars, none the like any of us had ever seen. Hawk-eye Wilky spotted 14 shooting stars in one sitting, Jonny dismally only one. The evening BBQ meals were cooked up skillfully by Scott, despite cooking in the dark both nights. Jonny in the driving seat, we burned up the 75 mile beach with ease however getting stuck in the process. Tide creeping up, Co-driver Wilkinson had us dug out in minutes. Unfortunately no Dingoes were met along the way apart from the one which creeped up on Jonny in the dark. Still made him scarper up a dune..

A thirteen hour stint on the Greyhound got us to Airlie Beach. Here we were scheduled to go sailing on the famous Whitsunday Islands, fringing the Barrier Reef. This wasn’t until we had got Australia Day over with, drinking the Aussies under the table and Lowy being crowned toad racing champion. 12pm the next day we boarded Wings 2, our catamaran for our sailing trip. Scott, whose cardinal rule of never drinking before getting on boats broken the night previously, suffered immediately. His golden tan was reduced to a shade of green/yellow.

Here we sailed for the next 3days/2nights, donning stinger suits as we dipped in and out of the water frequently to go snorkeling, taking in the beautiful scenery and eating delicious food. Jonny, Scott and Wilky had their first introductory dives and immediately took to it. Lowy, still scarred from a bad experience with a turtle in Barbados, stuck to snorkelling. We briefly stopped to visit Whitehaven Beach, the second best beach in the world ( Phi Phi still holding the crown ) which we thought was pretty average. We secretly bigged up Longsands the 3 hours we were there.

After docking we all headed out for post sailing drinks with the rest of the group. An amazing time and friends made. The last night spoiled however when Jonny was awoken by a german guy sleep pissing on his rucksack. The hair clippers came out to compensate after he went back to bed, which we thought was a fair price to pay..

Cairns was our final stop in Australia. Here Jonny and Scott were planned to complete their PADI diving course. Or so Jonny thought. A diagnosed Otic Barotrauma aka burst blood vessel in his ear meant he couldn’t dive. As he was in Australia mainly for this reason, you can imagine the fury. Both joined the boat as normal for the live-aboard trip regardless where Scott proceeded with his certification over 8 dives and had an amazing experience. Jonny snorkelled and had an equally fantastic time on the Barrier Reef. Scott also sighting a 12 metre Whale Shark which most don’t see in a lifetime. Jonnys luck continuing, missed it.

At the same time Lowy and Wilky were also enjoying the Barrier Reef on a separate day trip, briefly stopping off to gate crash 5 star resorts. A fitting end for all of us and our Australian trip. Our 4th companion Master Wilkinson left us on the 6th Feb to head home which took us down to 3. A tear in Lowys eye, we were all ready for our next leg, Fiji..

Apologies for the delay in posts. Due to the fact we have been on remote paradise islands with intermittent internet connections, updating has been slow. Hopefully this will be back on track for the time being. Thats probably until we reach more paradise islands.. I know, life is HELL – JH

Satans sauna, free upgrade and mosquito rape..

Byron Bay we decided to settle for a week. After stopping two or three days here and there we were ready for relax time on the beach. Boards hired we spent alot of time in the surf honing our skills. Byron Bay is also a popular holiday resort for backpackers and Aussies alike so it was lively. The so-called relax slowly turned into a bender. This we didn’t mind but we began to feel the strain on our wallets. Wilkys daily routine skate ended in tragedy which was expected really. After a surf we found him nursing his wounds with a cold 6 pack of Coopers, better than Savalon anyday..

We met a cool Aussie named Steve who was hoping to move to the area. We all fancied a day trip to Nimbin, a hippie settlement somewhat inland and Steve agreed to drive. This small town is made up of several shops all selling, well hippie stuff. A few hours were spent window shopping at Kard Bar city and returned with all sorts of bits and bobs. Wilky and Lowy most pleased with their purchases..

Because of the Big Day Out festival on the Gold Coast, we couldn’t get any accommodation for our next planned stop. Instead we made a slight adjustment to our plans and stopped in Coolangatta for two nights. More beach time was on the cards and we were tortured both nights as our hostel dorm was hotter than Satans sauna! Coolangatta boasts one of the top surf spots in the country with right handers that can last up to 1km. Just our luck the waves were the worst we had seen in Australia to date. After seeing the thousands of jellyfish which had been washed ashore, we were relieved about the surf conditions.

A little later than planned we arrived at Surfers Paradise. At check in there are not many greater words than free upgrade! From hostel dorm to a self-serve apartment with double beds, air con, kitchen and towels. Luxury we all welcomed with open arms. Poor waves again confined the majority of our time to the beach. A day trip was organised to Australia Zoo, the home of the Crocodile Hunter. Crikey! This zoo was home to the fascinating Australian animals such as snakes, lizards, kangaroos, Koalas, Crocodiles and Bird life. Also Asian animals such as Tigers and Elephants. The zoo was also home to the “Crocoseum” The famous arena where the man himself used to conduct animal displays. Ripper! We sat and watched a saltwater crocodile in the display play to the keepers taunts of a tasty treat.

Brisbane had the pleasure of our company next where we spent one night catching up with our friends which Scott and Jonny had met in Thailand in 2008. After a  skin full Jonny fell asleep without the proper mosquito protection. Fifteen was the count and in places no man should ever have to endure being bitten. Even more unfortunate are his allergic reactions to the bites and the swelling that follows..

Scott Slater, Raleigh Jazzmaster and chinned by barnacles..

For namesake we stopped at Newcastle after Sydney. We came, we saw, it rained and we left. Immediately as we arrived into Port Macquarie the sunshine lifted our moods. This small coastal town was alive with holiday makers and much like the coast of Australia, had several beautiful beaches. Flynns was the beach of choice and the place for Scotts first surf. His smile confirmed he immediately had the bug. The following day we were up and ready early to hire the badass beachcruisers we had spotted the night before. Unfortunately for Scott he was left with the jazzy 90′s teenage mountain bike which we later found out was kept for Asians with smaller frames. The bikes were instantly plagued with faults. Wilkys handlebars first then the same hill claimed the lives of Jonnys and Scotts. To add insult to injury there was a brand new bike for Scott which we hadn’t seen lurking in the corner. Hard to believe our first Australian BBQ was that evening. We enjoyed lots of nice eats including Kingfish and Nile Perch but no shrimps..

Coffs Harbour was another coastal town stop off which had our presence for two nights. Our hotel was remotely located from the town so we stayed close to the harbour. fishing gear was the free equipment of the day. Quick stop off at the servo for some bait and we headed down to the pier to hopefully catch Moby Dick for the BBQ that evening. Unfortunately nothing big enough to keep however plenty was caught. Scores – Scott 12 Jonny 9 Wilky 1 Lowy 0.. Daredevils Scott and Wilky finished off the big catch by jumping off the pier. Wilky however immediately regretted the decision after getting mauled by barnacles on the return swim. Could he make it a week without hurting himself?

Cliffhanger, 2manysoundproblems and the phantom underpants thief..

Our first scheduled trip in Australia was a $68 tour to the Blue Mountains. This dividing range of mountains is an hours drive east from Sydney. The first stop was to Scenic World. Here we descended into the forest via cable car and ascended via the steepest railway in the world.. backwards. It was almost vertical therefore almost a lift. Here we had a beautiful view of the many valleys around us including the Three Sisters rock formation, famous in Aboriginal folklaw. Nest stop was Wentworth Falls. After dodging Funnel Web spiders on the track, we were gobsmacked by its beauty and after dozens of photos we proceeded to our next place Kings Point. This unofficial viewpoint is a little of the beaten track. When we arrived we were advised to stay 3 meters from the edge. Never going to be in this spot again, Scott seized the chance of a daring cliff edge kodak moment when the guides back was turned. Wilky followed suit then Jonny. We all dangled our legs off the overhang and looked into the valley. Lowy being afraid of heights but not wanting to miss the moment, managed to dangle his ankles off much to our amusement.

We all decided on Mrs Macquarie Point to watch the Sydney New Year Celebrations. This was a grassy area at the edge of the Sydney Botanical Gardens. Its capacity was around 20’000 so we decided to head down early, or so we thought.. When we arrived at 11am the queue was already at least 5’000 strong and snaked round a field. We joined the end of the queue in high spirits and not even the rain had dampened our moods when we walked through the entrance 3 1/2  hours later. We scanned the area for a spot which had the Harbour Bridge in view for the famous fireworks finale, however had to settle with a grassy patch with half the bridge in view due to the volume of people already inside. Our rug down and picnic out the sun began to shine, so the beers began to flow. After a vintage airshow and an aboriginal smoke display the 9pm family fireworks were upon us. This 10 minute display was awesome and wet all our appetites for the explosive finish. With our luminous bracelets and glasses on and party poppers at the ready, midnight was finally upon us and the moment everyone had waited for. The atmosphere was electric and the fireworks didn’t disappoint as we toasted the New Year. The night was finished with Mexicana pizza. An amazing day until a full 30 seconds after he left them, someone stole Jonnys best pair of boxer shorts out of the shower room. Desperate times it would seem..

New Years Day was upon us. It had been highly anticipated for two reasons. Wilkys birthday and Field Day festival. Our hangovers dulled with the excitement, we stopped at several pubs on route to arrive at the festival to just in time to see Cassius smash it on the main stage. The weather today was blistering. Crown beers and ‘FakeBlood’ cocktails were the chosen drinks of the day. The prices however were astronomical. At around 5pm Lowy and Wilky headed out to halve a bottle of Jim Beam in Hyde Park while Scott and Jonny continued to watch an array of acts such as Datarock and Architecture in Helsinki. We all met up at DJ Yoda who was an unusual highlight with his mash up set of crowd pleasers. LCD Soundsystem was the last act we saw before heading over to the main stage, several beers in hand to watch the main act.. 2manydjs. They arrived on stage in their usual fashion, tuning in a wireless radio to Radio Soulwax before re-entering as the famous duo with their set up. Unfortunately the opening half an hour was bereft with sound problems. After several hand gestures to the engineers they walked off and all stopped. As the crowd was beginning to stir, the volume was back on at the correct decibel and they re-opened their set with ACDC - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.. Cue pandemonium and a superb finish to the day.